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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881087">666 Heartbeats</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleSeeds/pseuds/AppleSeeds'>AppleSeeds</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a Mess (Good Omens), Contestant Aziraphale, Crowley is a Sweetheart (Good Omens), Eavesdropping, Embarrassment, Flirting, Game Show Host Crowley, Game Shows, Hastur Being an Asshole (Good Omens), M/M, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Second-Hand Embarrassment, Seriously omg the cringe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:54:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,093</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleSeeds/pseuds/AppleSeeds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale is a contestant on his favourite game show, 666 Heartbeats, where the amount of time he will have to answer the questions is dictated by how fast his heart is beating. If he wants to win big, he'll just have to stay calm. Easier said than done when he has an enormous crush on the host, who won't stop reassuringly touching him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>271</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Omens Human AUs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Contestant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This writing break is going tremendously well as you can see. (-:</p>
<p>This fic is based on a real game show called 1000 Heartbeats - the premise and format of the questions is the same as that show, but this version is more hellish, particularly for poor Aziraphale hahahaha! It was inspired by an episode where the host reassuringly touched the contestant's arm when their heart was racing and said "you just need to calm down" and they replied "then stop touching me!!!" XD</p>
<p>The questions I've written all have some kind of connection to things mentioned in Good Omens, and I've written them in a way that for most you should be able to 'play along' if you want to.</p>
<p>Thank you to KissMyAsthma and the Pufferfish Yoghurt Starters for all their help with this! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Past</em> Aziraphale, who had been sat safely snuggled up under a tartan blanket watching the television in the flat above his bookshop, had thought this was a good idea. Past Aziraphale had evidently not thought this through. It was one thing to ogle Crowley, the devastatingly handsome host of his favourite game show, on the <em>television, </em>and even to fantasise about meeting him, maybe shaking his hand, then perhaps Crowley putting his arm around his shoulders like he did with the contestants on the show...  but it was quite another to actually turn that fantasy into reality. Despite that, here Aziraphale was, standing nervously on the edge of the set, watching Crowley, the man himself, speaking into the camera and delivering a variant of his standard introduction, while Aziraphale was quite possibly having a panic attack.</p><p>He’d <em>thought</em> he wanted to meet Crowley, but now his heart was racing, his palms were sweating and his stomach was flopping around like a fish on the deck of a trawler. This was all Tracy’s fault really; she was the one who had encouraged Aziraphale to apply to be on the show. Sometimes they would go around to each other’s flats and watch 666 Heartbeats together (although it goes without saying that neither Tracy nor Aziraphale really watched 666 Heartbeats for the <em>questions</em>), and Aziraphale was actually extremely good at it. His level of general knowledge was exceptional, and when the message had come up at the end of one of the episodes seeking people to apply to take part, Tracy had nudged him with her elbow and suggested he should do it. It really had seemed like a good idea; he could win some money and perhaps acquire some of those rare first editions he’d been eyeing up for a while. He’d excelled at the quiz he’d been given as part of the selection process, and it had started to look like he might actually do quite well.</p><p>That was now starting to seem considerably less likely, as the entire premise of 666 Heartbeats was that the amount of time a contestant had to answer the questions was directly linked to how fast their heart was beating. Each contestant was hooked up to a heart monitor and had a total of 666 of their own heartbeats to stand in the ‘Ring of Fire’ and answer as many questions as possible. The idea was that contestants needed to stay calm to give themselves more time, which didn’t bode well for Aziraphale, who was currently bordering on hyperventilating (that lavender essential oil he’d diffused in his flat earlier really wasn’t cutting it). Remembering that his heart rate would also be displayed on a massive screen for everyone, including Crowley, to see, made the situation even worse. Aziraphale could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest, and his heart rate only seemed to climb higher and higher the more he looked at Crowley from across the set. Soon, he would actually be standing right in front of him.</p><p>Crowley on the television was <em>nothing</em> compared to Crowley in real life. He was outrageously handsome, and dressed in a very smart, very <em>tight</em>, tailored black suit, with a red shirt underneath and a tie patterned with flames. He always wore black and red, which was appropriate for the theme of the show. The show’s opening credits featured a black and red snake slithering around between graphics of frantically beating hearts and pools of boiling sulphur and flames, and the set was known as ‘the Serpent’s Lair’. Aziraphale often wondered whether Crowley was meant to be the serpent, as it had never been made explicit either way.</p><p>In addition to the Ring of Fire from which contestants answered questions, the set also featured the ‘Sulphur Pit’, where the final round took place. Bursts of fire and demonic screams went off at random intervals to try to startle contestants and accelerate their heart rate. Aziraphale had been sure he could handle those. None of them would be as ‘arousing’ to his nervous system as the devilishly handsome Crowley would be. If Aziraphale had learnt anything today, it was that the television <em>certainly</em> didn’t do Crowley justice. Nowhere near.</p><p>Before filming started, Aziraphale had watched Crowley chatting with members of the production team, laughing and joking, grinning widely, his eyes twinkling beneath the bright lights of the studio. He had seemed so completely at ease, draped in an impossible position over a chair just to the side of the set, talking to a young man with a clipboard, while a woman hovered nearby, touching up his makeup.</p><p>The young man who had been holding that clipboard, since introduced to him as Eric (who at close quarters Aziraphale couldn’t help but notice had very lovely long eyelashes), was now standing beside Aziraphale at the edge of the set.</p><p>“Good luck,” he whispered as Crowley finished his introduction.</p><p>“Let’s see if our next contestant can keep calm under pressure! Please welcome <em>Aziraphale</em>.”</p><p>The young man nodded encouragingly and Aziraphale wiped his palms on his trousers, just in case, and walked onto the set, aiming to keep his shoulders back and head high in order to feign confidence. Crowley gave him an absolutely blinding smile, and Aziraphale wondered whether it was even <em>possible</em> for his heart to beat any harder and faster. Crowley’s hand was outstretched towards him, waiting for Aziraphale to shake it, just as he had fantasised about so many times. Aziraphale discreetly nudged his palm against his waistcoat, just in case it had managed to start sweating again sometime during the last three seconds, and took Crowley’s hand, his stomach fluttering and electricity shooting up his arm, further stimulation for his poor, suffering heart. Crowley’s smile broadened, his eyes crinkling in the corners, and Aziraphale was so completely entranced that it took him a second or two to remember he was supposed to let go of his hand.</p><p>“Welcome to the Serpent’s Lair, Aziraphale!” Crowley grinned. By the time Aziraphale had finished deciding whether or not to say thank you, Crowley had carried on talking. “So, you’re from Soho in London, what do you do there?”</p><p>“I run an antique bookshop,” Aziraphale responded, and oh dear Lord his voice sounded <em>squeaky</em>. Hopefully Crowley wouldn’t notice.</p><p>“Oh, terrific! I imagine your knowledge of literature is pretty good then?”</p><p>“I hope so.”</p><p>“Well, maybe that will be helpful tonight, we’ll have to wait and see what comes up. Do you sell many books?”</p><p>“Not if I can help it,” Aziraphale answered honestly, and Crowley laughed, reaching out to touch him gently on his upper arm, a further onslaught on Aziraphale’s poor, fragile heart. It occurred to him that if his heart <em>exploded</em> and therefore stopped beating entirely, at least his 666 heartbeats would last a very long time. Difficult to answer questions when you’re dead, though.</p><p>“Fair enough,” Crowley chuckled. “Are you a fan of the show?”</p><p>“Oh yes, I watch you all the time.” <em>I watch the show all the time. The <strong>show</strong>. </em>Crowley raised an eyebrow, and Aziraphale’s time to answer questions was probably cut by another twenty seconds or so in response.</p><p>“So, you know how it works. We’ve hooked you up to a heart monitor, and you’ll have 666 of your own heartbeats to answer as many questions as you can. Are you quite good at staying calm under pressure?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Crowley laughed again, once more reaching out and softly brushing his hand down Aziraphale’s arm, a thrill shiver skittering up his spine.</p><p>“Then what made you want to come on the show?”</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to meet you. I think you’re stunningly handsome. I love your eyes. I love the way you smile. You seem so completely wonderful.</em>
</p><p>“I...” Aziraphale had never been very good at telling lies, but at least this time he managed to restrain himself from telling <em>too much</em> of the truth. “I’ve had my eye on a few rare first editions. I’d love to win enough money to be able to procure them.” Thus Aziraphale used up one of the lines he had rehearsed in preparation for coming on the show and speaking to Crowley.</p><p>“Well, let’s have a look at your current heart rate, shall we?” A huge screen to the side of the Ring of Fire that Aziraphale would be standing in to answer the questions displayed 154bpm. Aziraphale winced. “Wow... you weren’t kidding, were you? That is... that is quite high.”</p><p>“I know.” Aziraphale frowned and dipped his head, and Crowley shuffled closer to him, this time gently placing his hand on Aziraphale’s forearm.</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry, you’ll be fine. You just need to try to calm down, I’m sure you’ll settle into it after the first round.” Crowley’s voice was warm and velvety, and he spoke so <em>softly</em>, Aziraphale knew he was trying to reassure him, and was horrified when the number on the screen increased in response to Crowley’s touch, now 162bpm. Aziraphale swallowed and chuckled breathlessly.</p><p>“I think perhaps when I realise I need to calm down it makes me feel even worse.”</p><p>Crowley smiled at him sweetly. “Well, it’s ok, if you know the answers you’ll still have plenty of time, and I’ve been told...” Crowley grinned and leaned in closer as if sharing a secret, “that your performance on our pre-show quiz was the best we’ve ever had.”</p><p>Aziraphale was trembling, his nervous system completely overwhelmed by Crowley’s proximity. “Oh... thank you.”</p><p>“So the time is irrelevant, forget all about it. You just need to get into the ring and answer the questions, no problem at all, right?”</p><p>“Possibly.”</p><p>Crowley pouted and tilted his head sympathetically. “Ready to start?” Aziraphale glanced at the screen again, now 158bpm. Standing here talking to Crowley for longer was unlikely to improve the situation, so he nodded. “Well then, step into the Ring of Fire.”</p><p>The first round was called Contrast. Aziraphale would have two options, and the correct answer to each question would be one of the two options. He needed to get seven right before he could step out of the Ring of Fire. As long as he remained in the ring, every beat of his heart would be deducted from his total.</p><p>“And the topic is... <em>books</em>,” Crowley chuckled. That revelation should have helped Aziraphale to relax, but the sound of Crowley’s soft laughter, the way his tone of voice indicated that he was rooting for Aziraphale to do well, it made Aziraphale’s stomach flutter and his heart rate inevitably increased, apparently to 165bpm according to the giant screen at the back of the set.</p><p>“Your two answer options are Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. You just need to tell us which author wrote each of these books. Ready?” Aziraphale nodded. “Ok, play.”</p><p>A computerised voice took over and began reading out book titles displayed on the screen in front of Aziraphale, while ominous sounding music with a deep bass line and rapid tempo filled the studio.</p><p>“The Colour of Magic.”</p><p>“Terry Pratchett.”</p><p>“American Gods.”</p><p>“Neil Gaiman.”</p><p>An explosion went off near to Aziraphale’s side, but he barely registered it, focusing intently on the screen in front of him.</p><p>“Coraline.”</p><p>“Neil Gaiman.”</p><p>“Stardust.”</p><p>“Neil Gaiman.”</p><p>“Going Postal.”</p><p>“Terry Pratchett.”</p><p>A jet of air was fired at Aziraphale’s ankles. He’d seen many contestants scream and be distracted by this, but he was well prepared for it, and although he did shuffle his feet slightly to try to move away, finding the sensation slightly irritating, his concentration did not waver.</p><p>“Night Watch.”</p><p>“Terry Pratchett.”</p><p>“The Ocean at the End of the Lane.”</p><p>“Neil Gaiman.”</p><p>An explosion of a more congratulatory nature went off, the music stopped, and Aziraphale turned away from the screen to see Crowley absolutely beaming at him, holding out his hands and quirking his fingers towards himself to encourage Aziraphale to come back over and join him. Aziraphale didn’t dare look at the screen to see what that did to his heart rate, but unfortunately he couldn’t do anything about his awareness of how it <em>felt</em>, each beat pulsing loudly in his ears.</p><p>“Aziraphale, that was <em>amazing</em>, well done! You were so <em>fast</em>! And no wrong answers, which is fantastic, because as you know, each wrong answer costs you 25 heartbeats. If you go through all the rounds like that, it won’t matter that you’re feeling nervous, you’ll have more than enough time! I think you’re going to do brilliantly, and your heart rate actually <em>dropped</em> while you were answering the questions, so that’s great! You just need to stay focused and you’ll be fine!”</p><p><em>Yes, of course my heart rate dropped, it was because I wasn’t close to <strong>you</strong> anymore</em>, Aziraphale thought. Hopefully that wouldn’t occur to Crowley. Aziraphale’s pulse spiked again at the thought of it, and then again, when he allowed himself to focus on Crowley’s handsome, smiling face, right in front of him in real life.</p><p>Crowley was so friendly and absolutely full of energy. Aziraphale had wondered before how much of it was performance for the camera, but from what he’d seen before filming had started, this exuberance was just part of Crowley’s personality. Aziraphale was once again captivated by his twinkling eyes and beaming smile. Heavens above, he was <em>glorious</em>. The way his perfectly-styled crimson hair practically sparkled under the lights, a section of it artfully flopping down over his forehead... everything about him was just <em>perfection</em>.</p><p>“Right, let’s move onto round 2, you have 594 heartbeats remaining, which is brilliant! Good luck!”</p><p>Round 2 was called Reorder. Crowley read out the question. “So in this round you need to put the seven things displayed on the screen into the right order. Today they are celestial bodies, and you need to put them in order from the closest to Earth to the furthest away. When you’re ready, step into the Ring of Fire.”</p><p>With a minor lapse in concentration to think about <em>Crowley’s</em> ‘celestial body’, Aziraphale proceeded back into the ring, and the computerised voice began reading out the options:</p>
<ul>
<li>Alpha Centauri</li>
<li>Saturn</li>
<li>Sirius</li>
<li>The Moon</li>
<li>The Sun</li>
<li>Pluto</li>
<li>Icarus</li>
</ul><p>Aziraphale studied it for a moment. He knew it was better to take his time than risk getting an incorrect answer and losing 25 heartbeats. Even given how fast his heart was beating, that was worth more than a few seconds of patience.</p><p>“That’s it, take your time. You’re already doing really well,” Crowley praised, and Aziraphale’s chest was once again subjected to the shock of his heart pounding even harder and faster against his sternum. He took a slow deep breath and then reeled off his answer.</p><p>“The Moon, the Sun, Saturn, Pluto, Alpha Centauri, Sirius, Icarus.”</p><p>The explosion to indicate his answer was correct went off, and Aziraphale closed his eyes, taking a moment to try to calm down, even if just a little bit. He could feel his hands trembling, and just kept reassuring himself that he would never subject himself to anything like this again. Surely something like this was better suited to those <em>adrenaline junkies</em>, not middle-aged booksellers whose idea of excitement was discovering today’s special in their local tea room was their favourite pastry.</p><p>“Wow, that was amazing!” Crowley gushed as Aziraphale walked back over to him. Crowley once again reached out and gently squeezed Aziraphale’s arm, and Aziraphale tried very hard not to either pass out or end up just gaping at him adoringly, his skin prickling beneath Crowley’s touch. “So, your heart rate peaked at 175bpm, which is, yeah, that’s very high, but again no incorrect answers, and you answered really quickly, so you’re still doing really well! You’ve got 509 heartbeats remaining, which after two rounds is really great, you’re doing so well, Aziraphale,” Crowley smiled, as if his words were designed to <em>sound</em> encouraging but actually to make it so that Aziraphale’s heart would push itself to its maximum safe limits and prevent him from taking away the top prize. He knew <em>exactly</em> when his heart rate had climbed to 175bpm. It had been when Crowley had spoken to him while he was in the ring. “Ready for round three?”</p><p>Aziraphale took a deep breath. “Yes, I think so.”</p><p>“You sure? You can take a minute?” Crowley asked, so agonisingly sincerely, looking right into Aziraphale’s eyes, and Aziraphale was once again confronted with the realisation that extending the time spent in Crowley’s presence was only going to harm his chances of walking away with a decent amount of money.</p><p>“I’m sure. Let’s carry on.”</p><p>“Ok then, this is round 3.”</p><p>The name of this round was Unscramble, and Crowley explained that Aziraphale would have a series of five anagrams to solve, all based on a theme, and that he would need to solve all five to complete the round.</p><p>“If you can’t work them out just from the theme, you can ask for a clue, which will make the theme more specific, but that will cost you 50 heartbeats. Ready to play?”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded and quickly returned to the Ring of Fire, these short walks back and fore across the set being the only chance he had to work off any of his nervous energy. The theme for the round appeared in large letters on the screen in front of him. MUSIC.</p><p>“How are you with music, Aziraphale?”</p><p>“That depends on what sort of music,” Aziraphale chuckled, trying to respond like a normal person rather than just completely losing himself in the effect Crowley was having on him. He imagined what it would be like for someone watching this on television, to see a contestant completely fall apart, finding themselves blabbering nonsensically or just entirely unable to say <em>anything</em> to Crowley, and the thought of that made Aziraphale more determined. “It won’t be bebop, will it?” he joked, once again eliciting a soft laugh from Crowley that made warmth expand throughout his chest.</p><p>“Let’s find out shall we?”</p><p>The ominous music started playing and the screen flicked over, revealing a series of five anagrams.</p>
<ol>
<li>CHAB</li>
<li>BUTCHERS</li>
<li>EVENBOTHE</li>
<li>TRAMZO</li>
<li>PHONIC</li>
</ol><p>Aziraphale had been prepared to use up 50 heartbeats for a clue on this round if necessary. His experience from watching the show had taught him that it was often better to do so than to simply stand there with no idea what the connection between the words might be. There was, however, no need for him to make this sacrifice. Having already solved numbers 1 and 3, he quickly deduced exactly what the specific theme that comprised the clue would be. <em>Composers</em>.</p><p>Aziraphale wasn’t sure he would have got “BUTCHERS” very easily without working out the clue for himself, and “PHONIC” was clever too, it was always more difficult to figure out the anagrams when they spelled real words, but as soon as Aziraphale had deduced the connection, the answers were obvious, and he reeled them all off quite quickly: “Bach, Schubert, Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin,” and once again the explosion went off to indicate his success.</p><p>“I am <em>extremely</em> impressed!” Crowley grinned, pulling Aziraphale into a quick hug when he made it back over to him. Aziraphale had known in advance that this was a possibility, one for which he had actually hoped and prepared. Crowley often hugged the contestants, usually either because they were feeling nervous or had struggled with something but had managed to get through it. Right now he just seemed genuinely happy for Aziraphale, and Aziraphale was absolutely basking in it. The hug was only brief, but Aziraphale focused on every sensation, the warmth and pressure of Crowley’s arms wrapped around him, the scent of him, the sound of him breathing, and Aziraphale made sure to commit every detail to memory. “You’re definitely the best I’ve ever had... <em>we’ve </em>ever had on the show. Well done, Aziraphale.” Another smile, another arm touch, another shiver down Aziraphale’s spine, and then Crowley turned and looked straight into the camera with a grin on his face. “Aziraphale has done extremely well so far and managed to bank himself £5000 with 421 heartbeats remaining! We’ll see how he does in Round 4 after the break.”</p><p>Once it seemed safe to do so, Aziraphale squeezed his eyes closed and took a very deep breath.</p><p>“Ok, the cameras are off, we can take a break now. You all right?”</p><p>Aziraphale nodded rapidly a few times, before remembering he had promised himself to keep managing to use actual words.</p><p>“I’m fine,” he croaked. “I think I’m just a little overwhelmed.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know it’s really full-on, but you must be happy with that performance, eh?” Crowley grinned, this time seizing <em>both</em> of Aziraphale’s forearms simultaneously and rubbing his thumbs over them a couple of times. Aziraphale’s knees threatened to buckle. “Honestly, you’re doing so amazingly well! I know you said you’re not very good at keeping calm under pressure but even when your heart’s racing your brain is <em>incredible</em>!”</p><p>“Thank you, Crowley,” Aziraphale murmured softly. Another phrase he had rehearsed, and had really wanted to say. “You’re very kind.”</p><p>“Nah, just telling the truth,” Crowley said dismissively, and Aziraphale’s heart sank a little. He’d secretly envisaged Crowley saying, ‘Thank you, Aziraphale, that’s really nice of you to say,’ when he’d rehearsed that particular line before he got here. He wanted to tell Crowley how lovely it was to actually meet him and talk to him, but decided it would be best to wait until the very end for that one. “Go and take a break, ok? Get some water, de-stress a bit, Eric’ll show you where to go.”</p><p>Aziraphale smiled gratefully and nodded, traipsing back over to the edge of the set to meet Eric, who told him how amazingly well he was doing too, and how he was probably going to win lots of money. Aziraphale barely heard him, his head spinning, replaying every interaction he’d just had with Crowley, agonising over whether he’d embarrassed himself, wondering whether the people watching on television would be able to tell how he was feeling, whether they would notice the spike in his heart rate on the screen every time Crowley stepped closer and placed his hand on his arm...</p><p>Eric told Aziraphale he had about ten minutes before he needed to come back to the set, which wasn’t exactly long enough to ‘de-stress’ as Crowley had suggested. Aziraphale needed to find some kind of outlet for all this nervous energy, and so he decided he would do what he always did when he needed help feeling better about something. He would call Tracy and tell her how it was going.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Host</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Something happens during the break that makes things a bit awkward for Crowley during the second half of filming the show.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Crowley's POV now.... *insert The Office cringe gif* ;-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crowley smiled as he watched Aziraphale disappear with Eric out of the studio. Aziraphale was certainly one of the most interesting contestants Crowley had ever interacted with on the show. Crowley was starting to wonder if there was <em>nothing</em> they could throw at Aziraphale that he wouldn’t know the answer to, and he found himself very much hoping that would turn out to be the case. He really wanted Aziraphale to do well. Of course, he <em>always</em> wanted the contestants to do well, except for the arrogant arseholes, that is.</p>
<p>Not only did Aziraphale seem to know everything about everything, Crowley had never known a contestant’s heart rate to be so high before they started answering questions and then actually <em>drop</em> once they were in the Ring of Fire. Aziraphale presumably suffered from a fear of the unknown, and was able to settle and calm down once presented with a question that he was confident he would be able to answer, even if he was surrounded by random bursts of fire with screeching noises going off all the time.</p>
<p>Crowley sauntered over to speak to the crew, who were sat at their stations behind the cameras. He scrunched up his face with confusion as he heard the sound of footsteps being broadcast quietly over the speakers at Hastur’s workstation.</p>
<p>“What’s that noise?”</p>
<p>“Contestant’s microphone,” Hastur grunted.</p>
<p>“Well, <em>turn it off</em> for somebody’s sake! He’s probably about to go to the toilet!”</p>
<p>Hastur rolled his eyes, but nevertheless moved to comply with Crowley’s instruction. He paused when a voice materialised over the speakers. <em>Aziraphale</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hello, Tracy... Yes, I am. Yes, it’s going well.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Turn it off, Hastur,” Crowley warned sternly.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Very high, worse than I thought. Crowley is so completely wonderful.”</em>
</p>
<p>Hastur barked out a laugh, and Crowley tried to reach over to turn the microphone off himself, but Hastur blocked him with his arm and Ligur grabbed Crowley’s shoulder to hold him back, a devious smirk on his face.</p>
<p>“Come on, Crowley. Don’t you want to hear this?” Hastur sneered.</p>
<p>“Not particularly.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes, I know, of course, but he keeps touching me! Yes, I do. I know I am. But Tracy, he’s absolutely stunning! Yes, I know, but trust me that doesn’t do him justice, and he’s being so lovely to me. I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. Well, it was. Really. Over 170. Yes, I know, that’s what I’m telling you! Yes, he really is. He’s so nice.”</em>
</p>
<p>Crowley scowled at Hastur and Ligur who were cackling like this was the funniest thing they’d ever heard. Crowley’s cheeks were burning and his stomach knotted. He couldn’t be doing with this. He shook his head reproachfully and walked away from the childish idiots towards the edge of the set.</p>
<p>“Aww, did you see that, Hastur? He’s <em>blushing</em>!”</p>
<p>“What’s the matter, Crowley? Don’t you like hearing about how <em>nice</em> you are?”</p>
<p>“Fuck off, the pair of you!” he shot back behind him, retreating to his dressing room. He knew he didn’t have long before he’d have to be back on set, but he needed to get away from the taunting of those arseholes.  </p>
<p>He collapsed down onto the sofa in his dressing room and hunched forward, burying his head in his hands. His heart was racing, ironically, and his insides were twisting uncomfortably. What a nightmare. He tried to decide what would be the right thing to do. It felt wrong not to tell Aziraphale that the crew had heard his side of his phone conversation, but if Crowley told him <em>now</em>, it would probably completely ruin any chances Aziraphale had in the second half of the game. He might not even stick around to play it, and then they wouldn’t be able to use any of the footage they’d recorded, and more importantly, Aziraphale would go home empty-handed. There was no denying that ignorance really <em>was</em> bliss sometimes.</p>
<p>Maybe Crowley shouldn’t tell him at all. Aziraphale never needed to know. Hastur and Ligur were fucking wankers but surely they wouldn’t do anything as inappropriate as tell a contestant something like that had happened? It was <em>Crowley</em> they wanted to piss off, Aziraphale was just their poor innocent victim.</p>
<p>Crowley wasn’t completely oblivious to the fact that some of the viewers of 666 Heartbeats tuned in more for <em>him</em> than the questions. The producers took advantage of it, in fact, making sure Crowley was dressed ‘to appeal to the audience’, that his hair was styled in a very specific way, that he flirted with the contestants a bit... but he didn’t want to subject Aziraphale to that now. In fact, he had an overwhelming urge to protect him from it. Crowley really wanted him to do well. Aziraphale <em>deserved</em> to do well. Crowley wanted to say, ‘please don’t be nervous because of me, I’m just me, I’m nothing special, you’re the completely brilliant one who knows everything about everything, who is so adorable and funny, not to mention fucking gorgeous by the way’.</p>
<p>
  <em>Ok, this might be a problem.</em>
</p>
<p>Aziraphale had certainly captured Crowley’s attention when he’d first walked out onto the set. His overall appearance contrasted so strikingly with the dark colours accentuated by red details on the set, with his fluffy white-blond hair and his smart, classic outfit in pale blue and beige. The way Aziraphale had smiled when he joined him had made <em>Crowley’s</em> heart flutter in a way that made him glad that <em>he</em> wasn’t the one hooked up to a heart monitor, and the longer the time had gone on, Crowley had found himself more and more intrigued and impressed by this mysterious man.</p>
<p>Crowley sucked in a deep breath. He couldn’t let Hastur and Ligur see that this had affected him, he’d never hear the end of it. For the first time in years, Crowley felt apprehensive about being on camera. Would his cheeks be red? They felt like they were on fire. Had Ligur just been bullshitting him when he said he was blushing? Crowley got up and crossed the room, pressing both palms onto the surface of his dressing table and leaning down to peer into the mirror. He looked ok - thank fuck for foundation. He just needed to get through the rest of filming the show as normal. Or <em>not</em> as normal? He couldn’t touch Aziraphale, or tease him, or flirt with him now, could he? But people would surely notice if he didn’t. Hastur and Ligur would notice if he didn’t. <em>Aziraphale</em> would notice if he didn’t. What a mess. Maybe he <em>should</em> tell him. No, bad idea. Definitely a bad idea.</p>
<p><em>Time’s up</em>, he thought morosely, taking one last look in the mirror to reassure himself before heading back to the set, where Aziraphale was already waiting, with Eric standing beside him. Crowley’s stomach lurched the moment he saw him. <em>Shit</em>.</p>
<p>But Aziraphale liked him. It was ok for Crowley to like that Aziraphale liked him, right?</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t really like me. If he actually knew me he’d feel differently. Seeing someone on TV, that’s not real. Just stop thinking about it and get on with your job.</em>
</p>
<p>“Hello lovely Crowley,” Hastur purred as he walked past. “I bet you’re looking forward to being on set with your new best friend, <em>Aziraphale</em>...” Hastur drew out his name in a way that seemed intended to be sultry, which made bile rise to the back of Crowley’s throat. <em>Ugh.</em></p>
<p>“At least he’s got <em>real</em> blond curls, not like that mop for a wig that <em>you’re</em> sporting,” Crowley replied smugly, determined not to give any outward sign that Hastur had got to him as he slipped between the cameras and joined Aziraphale and Eric on the set.</p>
<p>“Thanks Eric,” Crowley said, trying to prompt him to leave, which he did, with a hushed ‘good luck’ to Aziraphale. “Erm... hey,” Crowley mumbled eloquently. “Feeling ok?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”</p>
<p>“Ok... good.”</p>
<p>
  <em>For fuck’s sake, Crowley, just be normal. You’ve done this dozens of times, just relax and it’ll be like muscle memory.</em>
</p>
<p>But Crowley couldn’t relax, didn’t <em>want</em> to relax. If he relaxed too much he might do something to make Aziraphale feel worse.</p>
<p>“Are <em>you</em> all right, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked. He was looking at him strangely.</p>
<p><em>Shit</em>.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Aziraphale didn’t seem convinced, frowning and looking at Crowley with wide eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>Wow, he has really nice eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>Crowley’s first instinct was to admit to having had a disagreement with one of his colleagues, but of course anything he said would be picked up by the microphone and relayed to Hastur, so that wasn’t really an option. Crowley plastered a smile on his face.</p>
<p>“I don’t think we’ve ever had anyone start round 4 with over 400 heartbeats before! I think you’re going to do really well.”</p>
<p>“Oh... thank you. I hope so.”</p>
<p>“Are you ready?”</p>
<p>“As I’ll ever be,” Aziraphale chuckled, and Crowley smiled at him fondly.</p>
<p>“You’ll be fine,” Crowley tried to reassure him, intentionally not touching his arm.</p>
<p>A few moments later, the cameras were rolling and Crowley stepped back into his game show host persona, which would hopefully get him through this without completely embarrassing himself, <em>or</em> Aziraphale.</p>
<p>“Welcome back! Before the break, Aziraphale managed to bank £5000 with a massive 421 heartbeats remaining! I think this might be the best performance we’ve ever seen, how are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“I think I’ve been very lucky,” Aziraphale replied modestly, and Crowley’s heart swelled. It was unusual to meet someone on the show who was so quiet and unassuming.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure you’re giving yourself enough credit there, Aziraphale, but if that is true, let’s hope your luck continues! Time for round 4 now, so Aziraphale, when you’re ready, please step into the Ring of Fire.” Crowley watched again as Aziraphale crossed over to the other side of the set. He knew that at this point the shot would be a wide angle view of the whole set that covered both of them, so he couldn’t be <em>too</em> indiscreet, but Crowley did let his eyes trail very briefly down Aziraphale’s body as he walked away, which was probably a mistake. He really was gorgeous. “Ok, Aziraphale, round 4 is called Identify. You will be shown eight options and one statement. You need to identify the four options that are true to the statement. Ready to play?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Great, here we go. Good luck.”</p>
<p>The computerised voice that read out the questions took over, and thankfully by now the camera would no longer be on Crowley. He didn’t dare look over towards Hastur and Ligur, so kept his eyes trained on Aziraphale, just as he <em>should</em> do. It was his job to watch the contestants, encourage them if they seemed to be struggling, remind them of the option to step out of the ring if they couldn’t answer the question.</p>
<p>“Von Trapp children in the 1965 film The Sound of Music.”</p>
<p>The options appeared on the screen: Marta, Brigita, Eva, Gretl, Cecile, Annika, Dagny, Louisa. Aziraphale looked horrified. Not just in a ‘I don’t know the answer’ kind of way, but as though this were the worst possible thing that he could have been asked.</p>
<p>“Remember you can step out of the ring, Aziraphale, but it will cost you 100 heartbeats.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale immediately stepped backwards before his heartbeats could start counting down, and the loud piercing shriek that always accompanied a contestant leaving the ring without correctly answering the question resounded throughout the studio. Crowley took a deep breath, he hadn’t quite been ready to have to interact with Aziraphale again so quickly.</p>
<p>“Come back over here,” Crowley encouraged, reaching his arm out towards Aziraphale but retracting it before he got too close, in a way that hopefully looked natural. “The correct answer was Marta, Brigita, Gretl and Louisa.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take your word for it.”</p>
<p>“Not a Sound of Music fan?” Crowley chuckled. He could do this. It was totally fine. He realised now how much more awkward all of this could have been if he’d actually told Aziraphale what had happened. He’d <em>definitely</em> made the right decision.</p>
<p>“Certainly not. My boss in my previous job, before I bought my bookshop, he was tremendously keen on The Sound of Music. I imagine he’s not very happy with me right now.” Aziraphale’s voice was dripping with smug satisfaction, and it just made Crowley even more intrigued by him. Clearly Aziraphale had a bit of a bastard streak.</p>
<p>“Do you think he’s shouting at the television right now?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t doubt,” Aziraphale smirked, and Crowley winked at him before he had chance to stop himself. Now that he was looking for it, he noticed the way Aziraphale’s throat bobbed as he swallowed in response, the way his cheeks flushed, and how he subtly dipped his head to try to hide it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. I need to be more careful.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well, you’ve lost 100 heartbeats by stepping out of the ring, but you still have 321 remaining. Would you like to have another go at Identify, or would you like to proceed to Cash-out? Remember you need to keep back enough heartbeats to complete the Cash-out round or you’ll go away with nothing, but if you successfully complete Identify, you’ll have doubled your money and banked £10,000.”</p>
<p>“What do you think I should do?”</p>
<p>“Only you can decide, Aziraphale, but even if you stepped out of the ring again you’d still have over 200 heartbeats left, and I can guarantee you that it won’t be another question about The Sound of Music,” Crowley joked, and Aziraphale smiled warmly. “What do you think? Going to play on?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I think I’ll give it one more try.”</p>
<p>Crowley would ordinarily have gone for a high five at this point, but thought better of it. Aziraphale didn’t really strike him as a high-five kind of person anyway. If he didn’t touch Aziraphale <em>at all</em> it would definitely be noticeable, but he shouldn’t do it just before he was about to step into the ring. He’d do it after. It would be fine, he could make it look natural. Hopefully. Crowley nodded at him encouragingly and Aziraphale turned away and once again walked over to the other side of the set, and the computer voice began announcing the new question.</p>
<p>“Books of the Old Testament. Job, Corinthians, Mark, Ruth, Genesis, Luke, Peter, Exodus.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale looked much more relaxed this time, and after a few moments to think, answered quickly and confidently, “Genesis, Exodus, Ruth, Job,” the music stopping and the flames roaring to indicate his success. If Aziraphale’s heart rate hadn’t been so consistently high he would actually have had a chance of being the first person ever to win the show’s top prize, and Crowley’s stomach twisted at the thought of that - he couldn’t help but feel a little responsible.</p>
<p>“Congratulations, Aziraphale!” Crowley beamed, beckoning him over and enthusiastically clapping him on the shoulder. That was surely better than gentler, more reassuring touches, right?</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You know the Bible then?”</p>
<p>“Well, my family are very religious; I was named after an angel, in fact.” There was no way that could possibly have been more fitting, and Crowley had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying words to that effect. “I also have a collection of misprinted Bibles! Some of them are rather humorous!”</p>
<p>Aziraphale’s eyes twinkled as he evidently remembered something amusing that he wasn’t planning to share.</p>
<p>“Oh I bet, I’d love to see them,” Crowley said like an idiot. Aziraphale chuckled breathlessly and cleared his throat. Crowley decided it would just be best to move on. “So, you’ve banked £10,000 and you still have 274 heartbeats! That’s amazing! Can I tempt you into carrying on?”</p>
<p>That was one of Crowley’s stock lines that he was encouraged to use as soon as the decision about whether or not to continue became harder for the contestant to make.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I probably shouldn’t risk it.”</p>
<p>“That’s still a lot of heartbeats, even if you step out of the ring if you don’t like the question, you’d still have 174 left. The way you’ve been going that should be more than enough for the Cash-out round.”</p>
<p>“I think I might need more than that.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, you’ve been quick so far...” Crowley continued, playing his part of the tempter.</p>
<p>“Yes, but this time it’ll be in the <em>Sulphur Pit</em>.”</p>
<p>The Sulphur Pit <em>was</em> designed to be more distracting and intimidating than the Ring of Fire, with the contestant being subjected to a whole assortment of unrelenting hellish noises, a fake but very realistic snake that slithered around their ankles, and even the genuine smell of burning sulphur, which Crowley had just somehow got used to over the past year or so that they’d been filming the show. But Aziraphale hadn’t seemed phased by the onslaught of random explosions, shrieks and air gusts he’d been subjected to in the previous rounds, so Crowley couldn’t really see why he thought he would need so many heartbeats left to successfully get through it.</p>
<p><em>Oh</em>. There was <em>one</em> difference between this round and the others that Aziraphale might think was important. Crowley always <em>accompanied</em> the contestant into the Sulphur Pit. More to the point, he always put his arm around them.</p>
<p>If Aziraphale ran out of heartbeats while he was in the Sulphur Pit, he would leave with absolutely nothing. There was certainly nothing wrong with being cautious, and Crowley decided he wouldn’t do anything further to try to tempt him into gambling for more.</p>
<p>“Yeah, ok, good point, and £10,000 is a lot of money. Is that enough to get you those first editions you wanted?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, absolutely. I’d be extremely happy with that.”</p>
<p>“In that case, sounds like you’ve made up your mind. You want to stick with what you’ve got and play Cash-out?”</p>
<p>“Yes please.”</p>
<p>“All right, in that case Aziraphale, it’s time to head over to the Sulphur Pit!”</p>
<p>Someone shouted cut, and Crowley beamed at Aziraphale. “£10,000, that’s brilliant!”</p>
<p>“If I win it.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’ll do great, you’re going to have plenty of time, you’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, I appreciate that.”</p>
<p>“Do you want a quick break or are you ok?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m fine, thank you. Let’s get it over with.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t be nervous, you really are doing so well.”</p>
<p>“I wish it were that simple.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Crowley tried to reassure him, his gut twisting as he thought about just how true those words were, “but you’ve done the right thing by being cautious, I think. Sometimes when people gamble, taking the risk makes their heart rate go up even more. You’ll do great. Shall we head over to the Sulphur Pit?”</p>
<p>“Yes, all right.”</p>
<p>“When we’re in there, would you like me to put my arm around you or would you prefer that I didn't?" Crowley asked, hopefully nonchalantly. Despite the fact Hastur would be listening, Crowley felt compelled to ask, not willing to make that decision for Aziraphale. He wasn’t sure whether it was something Aziraphale was looking forward to or something he was dreading. It certainly didn’t seem like it would be something he hadn’t even thought about.</p>
<p>"You always do that in the Sulphur Pit,” Aziraphale replied quietly.</p>
<p>"Well, yeah, but it's your choice, you don't have to say yes just because other people did,” he explained, although the implication that he normally asked contestants for their preference about this was unfounded. “If you'd be more comfortable just… you know, in the zone, focusing, that’s ok. I don't want to distract you."</p>
<p>“Oh... well, I don't want you to do anything different from what you normally would.”</p>
<p>“Ok, terrific,” Crowley smiled, experiencing a rush <em>himself</em> at the thought of wrapping his arm around Aziraphale and reassuringly squeezing his shoulder, like they would be facing the Sulphur Pit together. “Let’s go then.”</p>
<p>Crowley let Aziraphale walk ahead of him to the Sulphur Pit, a sunken part of the stage surrounded by red ropes like a wrestling ring. Crowley unhooked one of the ropes so they could safely step in, and Eric hurried over to fasten it back in place once they were inside.</p>
<p>“Deep breaths, you’ve got this, you’re going to be great,” Crowley tried to reassure him, and Aziraphale nodded. “Ok, they’ll start filming again now. Good luck, Aziraphale.”</p>
<p>The cameras started rolling and Crowley looked into camera three. “So, Aziraphale has banked £10,000 but if he wants to take it home he’s going to have to survive his time in the Sulphur Pit.” Crowley paused to make it easier for them to edit in the stock footage of the Sulphur Pit and various contestants screaming while they were standing in it. “Aziraphale has 274 heartbeats remaining, but if those run out before he can complete the round, then he will go home with nothing. How are you feeling, Aziraphale?”</p>
<p>“I’m all right,” he replied, and Crowley allowed himself to glance up at the screen next to the Sulphur Pit that was displaying Aziraphale’s heart rate. 157bpm. For Aziraphale, he supposed that really wasn’t so bad. Hopefully he had settled into the game, and everything else, by now. “I think I did the right thing saving so many heartbeats for the final round.”</p>
<p>“Well, I wish you all the best,” Crowley looked into Aziraphale’s eyes and smiled, and saw out of the corner of his eye the number on the screen increase to 164bpm. <em>Shit</em>. “In this round, you will be given a series of statements, which are either true or false. You need to give me five correct answers in a row. If you give me an incorrect answer, you’ll need to start again from scratch. But don’t worry, you’re going to have plenty of time, ok? Are you ready?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I’m ready.”</p>
<p>“In that case, time to face the Sulphur Pit! Good luck.” Crowley made sure his smile was firmly fixed on his face before he wrapped his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders and pulled him closer, his side pressed up against Aziraphale’s arm. He was warm and soft, and Crowley turned his head to give him one last reassuring smile, but Aziraphale’s attention was focused entirely on the screen in front of him. Crowley followed his gaze, his eyes drifting past the screen displaying Aziraphale’s heart rate, which had reached a new high of 178bpm.</p>
<p>The lights dimmed and the usual onslaught of shrieks, screams, ‘flying ghouls’, barking ‘hellhounds’, explosions, flames, and scurrying fake critters began, and the computerised voice started reading out the questions as the number of heartbeats Aziraphale had remaining counted down on the screen.</p>
<p>“Bohemian Rhapsody is a song by The Velvet Underground.”</p>
<p>“False.”</p>
<p>One of the circles on the screen filled in green to indicate he had given the correct answer. Crowley hadn’t been sure whether Aziraphale would get that one, he wasn’t sure he’d have heard of The Velvet Underground, or even Queen, but being the first question it wouldn’t have really mattered anyway.</p>
<p>“The French Revolution took place in the 17<sup>th</sup> Century.”</p>
<p>“False.”</p>
<p>A second circle filled in green, and instinctively, Crowley squeezed Aziraphale’s shoulder to encourage him.</p>
<p>“The James Bond film Skyfall won four Oscars in 2012.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>A particularly loud screech rang out and Crowley felt Aziraphale flinch as the green circles disappeared from the screen.</p>
<p>“It’s ok, you’re fine, you’ve still got loads of time,” Crowley tried to reassure him, gently rubbing his hand up and down Aziraphale’s upper arm. He couldn’t help but smile when Aziraphale leaned slightly against him, experiencing a rush deep in his gut. He could feel Aziraphale’s body pulsing with each heartbeat.</p>
<p>“Shakespeare published Hamlet before Antony and Cleopatra.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>The first green circle lit up again. Well, there was no way Aziraphale wasn’t going to get that one right. Crowley grinned and resisted the urge to pull him closer.</p>
<p>“Feed The Birds was a song featured in the 1964 film Mary Poppins.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>Back to two green circles. With the 25 heartbeats he’d lost for the incorrect answer, Aziraphale now had 182 remaining.</p>
<p>“The musical Into The Woods was written by Stephen Sondheim.”</p>
<p>“True.”</p>
<p>Now three...</p>
<p>“Famous witch-hunter Matthew Hopkins was known by the title of Witchfinder Sergeant.”</p>
<p>Crowley raised his eyebrows; that was a very random question. He glanced over to Aziraphale, who squinted and settled on, “False,” clearly a guess, but perhaps a well-educated one, after all, that couldn’t possibly be true, could it?</p>
<p>A fourth green circle appeared on the screen.</p>
<p>“Just one more, Aziraphale. You’ve got plenty of heartbeats left, take your time.”</p>
<p>“The Big Bang is believed to have happened 21 billion years ago.”</p>
<p>“False.”</p>
<p>The final circle lit up, the screeching, explosions and relentless twisting of the serpent at their feet stopped, and Crowley’s face broke out into a grin. He pulled Aziraphale towards him and enveloped him in a tight hug. He could feel the poor man trembling, and wished he could run his hands soothingly up and down his back. Unfortunately, anything but the briefest of hugs wouldn’t really be appropriate. Not while the cameras were still rolling, anyway. Crowley released him and gave him a beaming smile, and Aziraphale grinned, pressing his hand to his sternum as if to try to calm his racing heart.</p>
<p>“Congratulations Aziraphale, you have survived the Sulphur Pit and will be leaving the Serpent’s Lair with £10,000!”</p>
<p>The screen displaying his heart rate finally went black, that information once again private. Crowley squeezed Aziraphale’s muscular forearm and turned back to camera 3.</p>
<p>“So, Aziraphale managed to take £10,000 from the Serpent’s Lair with 102 heartbeats remaining. We’ll see how our next contestant fares after the break.”</p>
<p>The studio lights came up and Crowley watched as Aziraphale proceeded to take a series of very deep breaths before turning to face him.</p>
<p>“Congratulations! I’m so happy for you, you really deserved to do well!”</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Aziraphale blushed, and Crowley tilted his head, smiling at him fondly. They wouldn’t have much more time together, and Crowley was rapidly trying to decide what to do. He tried to think how he would feel right now if he were in Aziraphale’s position. Even if Aziraphale did feel nervous around him, perhaps if Crowley said something nice to him, it would be a fond memory for him to look back on once he got home, something to tell the person he was speaking to on the phone. More to the point, Crowley <em>wanted</em> to say nice things to Aziraphale, and this was his chance, the show was over and the pressure was off, and soon Aziraphale would leave the studio and Crowley would never see him again.</p>
<p>“It’s been so lovely to meet you, Aziraphale,” Crowley smiled affectionately, shaking Aziraphale’s hand and holding onto it for a moment, squeezing it gently. “I’ve got to say, I’m extremely impressed, I think you’re the best contestant we’ve ever had.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you’re just being nice.”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, Crowley is <em>always</em> nice. <em>So nice</em>,” Hastur smirked as he trudged onto the set and unhooked the rope for them to leave the Sulphur Pit. Crowley’s heart leapt up into his throat and he shot Hastur a warning glare as he stepped past him. Hastur held out a hand to help Aziraphale out of the sunken area they’d been standing in, shooting Crowley a devious look. He wouldn’t <em>dare</em>. Would he? “How has it been meeting Crowley?” Hastur asked, his voice sickly sweet. Crowley recoiled.</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s been wonderful, thank you!” Aziraphale smiled, looking between the two of them. “I’ve had a fantastic time.”</p>
<p>“Crowley really is very lovely, isn't he?” Hastur continued, his voice now taking on a mocking tone that made Crowley’s skin crawl.</p>
<p>“Hastur…” he growled.</p>
<p>“You could even say he's <em>completely wonderful</em>. I mean, <em>you</em> would say that, wouldn’t you?”</p>
<p>Aziraphale’s mouth hung open and his eyes widened with horror. So did Crowley’s, while Hastur simply laughed and lumbered off back behind the cameras.</p>
<p>“Aziraphale, I’m so sorry, he just...”</p>
<p>“I… I have to go,” Aziraphale said hurriedly. “Goodbye, Crowley.” Aziraphale turned away and rushed towards the edge of the set.</p>
<p>“Aziraphale, wait!” Crowley called after him, but Aziraphale disappeared behind a giant serpent statue. “Arrrrhhhh <em>Hastur</em>!”</p>
<p>From somewhere behind the cameras, Hastur cackled with glee, and Crowley glared briefly in his direction before chasing after Aziraphale. He didn’t care how much Hastur and Ligur teased him for it afterwards, he couldn’t let Aziraphale leave like that. He’d always known Hastur had maggots for brains but he never thought he would do anything <em>that</em> idiotic and cruel. Later Crowley would have time to be angry, but for now his heart was pounding in his chest, consumed with anxiety and desperate to find Aziraphale and talk to him before he had chance to leave the building.</p>
<p>He found Aziraphale’s microphone on the floor just outside the studio, and stopped for a moment to pick it up, switch off his own, and to think. Where would Aziraphale go? He would have come in through the main entrance, and people always had an instinct to leave a place the way they had entered, even if it wasn’t the quickest way out. With nothing else to go on, he rushed through the building, and finally spotted Aziraphale walking away from him towards the end of one of the corridors, shoulders slumped and head hanging down.</p>
<p>“Aziraphale, wait, please!”</p>
<p>Crowley wondered whether Aziraphale might actually just keep walking, experiencing a rush of relief and huffing out a long breath when Aziraphale did actually stop and turn to face him, although the closer Crowley got to him, the more Aziraphale backed away.</p>
<p>“Please let me go, I just want to forget this ever happened.”</p>
<p>“Please wait, please talk to me, <em>please</em>,” Crowley implored, palms raised submissively.</p>
<p>“Oh, what must you think of me?”</p>
<p>“Only good things, I promise. Look, Hastur is a complete and total arsehole, please don’t let him ruin this experience for you.”</p>
<p>“Did you hear <em>everything</em> I said?”</p>
<p>“No, I walked away, but I did hear you say a couple of really nice things about me, and I just wanted to thank you. I really appreciate it.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale coughed out a laugh. “You don’t need to patronise me.”</p>
<p>“I’m not patronising you! Do you really believe that?”</p>
<p>“Please just let me go.”</p>
<p>“Of course, if that’s what you really want, but please hear me out first? Is that ok?” Aziraphale narrowed his eyes and nodded uncertainly. Crowley took a deep breath. “Firstly, I’ll do everything I can to see to it that Hastur is fired for this. What he did was completely unprofessional. Secondly, I really am immensely flattered, and I think you’re really wonderful, and... honestly, I’d love to see you again.”</p>
<p>“Are you playing a joke on me?”</p>
<p>“No, of course not! Look, I totally understand if you don’t want to, I know seeing someone on TV and meeting them in person are completely different things, but I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I didn’t at least ask. I think you’re brilliant.”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to take pity on me.”</p>
<p>“Do you really think I would do that? You’re intelligent, you’re funny, you’re sweet, you’re gorgeous...” Aziraphale’s lips parted and he locked eyes with Crowley. “I am so, <em>so</em> sorry for anything I did that made you feel uncomfortable. I hope you had a good experience anyway, well, for the most part.” Crowley looked imploringly at Aziraphale, but he didn’t seem like he planned to say anything in response. “Anyway, look, it really was lovely to meet you. Someone from the team will contact you with arrangements for your prize money.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Crowley thought he should probably just walk away and let Aziraphale go, but he really, really, <em>really</em> didn’t want to, and surely it would be hard for him to actually make the situation any worse?</p>
<p>“Can I give you my number? In case you change your mind?”</p>
<p>“You’re serious,” Aziraphale whispered incredulously.</p>
<p>“I’m <em>very</em> serious. I understand how you must be feeling, I really do, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about, and maybe this was actually a good thing? I wouldn’t have had the guts to ask you out otherwise, you’re obviously well out of my league.” Crowley’s heart was racing now, he would never normally be so open and forward about something like this, but he felt like he owed it to Aziraphale.</p>
<p>“That clearly isn’t the case.”</p>
<p>“Then maybe it was meant to be,” Crowley smiled softly, risking taking a step closer. “Part of some cosmic ineffable plan.”</p>
<p>“That’s very profound,” Aziraphale murmured, his lips now quirking upwards into the beginnings of a smile. “Though I thought your perspective was that your colleague was simply... what was that lovely expression you used? A <em>complete and total arsehole</em>.”</p>
<p>“Well, that too,” Crowley shrugged, and then Aziraphale smiled, he actually properly <em>smiled</em>, and Crowley’s heart swelled. “Before you decide whether or not you want to see me again, I should probably tell you, I really am nothing special.”</p>
<p>“I can already tell that’s not true. You’ve been nothing but lovely to me.”</p>
<p>“Well, you deserve it. You’re an angel, right?” Crowley joked.</p>
<p>“Not always,” he replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes that made Crowley wonder whether he might actually be flirting. “May I ask you something?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“The ‘Serpent’s Lair’... <em>you’re</em> not supposed to be the serpent, are you?”</p>
<p>“It’s intentionally left open to interpretation. Why, don’t you think I’d make a good serpent of hell?”</p>
<p>“Well, you <em>are</em> very tempting.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh wow, he’s definitely flirting with me.</em>
</p>
<p>In front of the cameras, Crowley always had something witty or flirtatious to say to the contestants, but right now there was only one thing he wanted to say.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he replied sincerely.</p>
<p>“That man with the terrible wig was teasing you about being nice, but you really are, you know.”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t go spreading it around.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t dream of it.”</p>
<p>“So, what do you say? Can I take you out sometime? Anywhere you want to go.”</p>
<p>“What would you say to some crepes?” Aziraphale asked hopefully, licking his lips, and Crowley’s eyes keenly followed the movement of Aziraphale’s tongue, his own mouth watering in response.</p>
<p>“Erm... yeah, sure, absolutely, if you want. Sounds great.”</p>
<p>“And you’re sure about this?”</p>
<p>“Of course I’m sure.”</p>
<p>“All right. Thank you. Thank you so much.”</p>
<p>“You don’t need to thank me,” Crowley whispered, stepping closer to Aziraphale and opening his arms wide, hoping to tempt him into a hug. Aziraphale smiled bashfully and closed the remaining distance between them, letting Crowley encircle him with his arms. As he’d wanted to on the set, Crowley ran his hands up and down Aziraphale’s back, and leaned his head in to press against his cheek. “Can I walk you out?”</p>
<p>“I’d like that, thank you.”</p>
<p>“That witchfinder question was very odd,” Aziraphale noted as they rounded the corner, heading towards the front of the building.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I might Google that later,” Crowley chuckled. “You got it right though.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for trying to help me to keep calm. It didn’t work, but I know you meant well.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t need my help, you did great.”</p>
<p>When they stepped into the entrance foyer, Crowley smiled politely at the receptionist as he leaned over and grabbed a pen and peeled a post-it note off the stack on their desk. He scribbled down his phone number and then joined Aziraphale by the front door, handing it over to him. Aziraphale looked as happy as he had when he found out he’d won ten grand, and Crowley’s stomach became very fluttery in response.</p>
<p>“Call me,” Crowley grinned.</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>“Terrific. Right, well I think you have some book shopping to do?”</p>
<p>“Indeed I do! I do so much prefer acquiring books than selling them!”</p>
<p>“Well, have fun. It really was an absolute pleasure to meet you,” Crowley smiled, reluctantly forcing himself to accept he was going to have to let Aziraphale go. He held out his hand and Aziraphale shook it, but they held onto each other’s hands for a while, both squeezing gently.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be a while before my poor heart recovers from all this. Time for a lavender bubble bath with candles and soft music, I think,” Aziraphale said innocently.</p>
<p>“You’re really going to put that image in my head and then walk away from me? You bastard...” Crowley teased, and Aziraphale turned redder than the Ring of Fire.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I’m kidding, I won’t think about it or anything,” Crowley mumbled, feeling his own cheeks burning.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind,” Aziraphale said quietly, looking intently into Crowley’s eyes and rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. Crowley’s breathing hitched, and he raised his eyebrows, fumbling for something to say. “You can think about it if you want to.”</p>
<p>“Ngk.” <em>Eloquent. Great job, Crowley. Come on, you can do better than that</em>. “You’ve already got <em>my</em> heart racing,” he managed.</p>
<p>Ok, slightly corny but better than <em>ngk</em>, whatever the hell that was supposed to be. Aziraphale bit his bottom lip and released Crowley’s hand, stepping closer to kiss him on the cheek, sending tingles spreading back to the nape of Crowley’s neck and skittering down his spine.</p>
<p>“It was so wonderful to meet you. You’re even more lovely than I imagined.”</p>
<p>“Take care, angel.”</p>
<p>At that, Aziraphale gave him one last blinding smile and then disappeared out through the front doors, and Crowley stood there, lips parted, watching him go.</p>
<p>Maybe one day in the not too distant future, Crowley would have the pleasure of making Aziraphale’s pulse climb for a much more <em>enjoyable</em> reason. He bit his bottom lip and sauntered back to the studio, not even trying to hide the enormous grin on his face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! That last paragraph is dedicated to KissMyAsthma! ;-)</p>
<p>The question about The Sound of Music I actually borrowed from the real 1000 Heartbeats show.</p>
<p>Matthew Hopkins was known as Witchfinder General, but this seems to be a title he just gave himself. Shadwell mentions him very briefly in episode 5. He had a very interesting pin, which inspired something in another fic I started writing during my writing break, which I think I should now just accept is over. ;-)</p>
<p>I have heard stories of people at conferences going to the toilet not realising their microphone is still on. Always take it off when you don't need to be wearing it!! ;-)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you're enjoying so far! :-) I'll post the chapter 2 cringe-fest tomorrow or Friday! ;-)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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